Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
