That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
