Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
