Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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