remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize