1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
