I didn't shave. On purpose
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize