This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Randomize
