It was confusing and full of hummus
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize