So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
