she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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