Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
