Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
