and i looked up. we had an audience...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
