wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
