I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize