I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
So here I am, sexting at work.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
