I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
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