glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
third nipple confirmed
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
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