I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
This toilet bowl is my home.
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