just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
