dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
