this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
