ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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