Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
