I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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