I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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