ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
