somebody snuck up and got me drunk
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
