you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
