i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
