1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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