i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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