OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
