5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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