if only i could text you this smell
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
