its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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