its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
