You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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