OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
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