grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
