She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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