i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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