I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
