Tell her she can't have a vagina
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
