why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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