Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
