so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
