I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
