i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
