im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
