Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
