Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
