I just cut my nipple shaving
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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