What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
