I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
