I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Randomize
