i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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