She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
