I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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