you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize