I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
