Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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