you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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