I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
