You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
That accounts for only three of the penises
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
