do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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