how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
