thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
